Diary

A record of daily activities that I consider worth sharing. Not intended to have an entry every day, or even most days.

2023-05-20

Update and current status

Shortly after the below was written, the makeshift catheter began to irritate my urethra, causing some mild bleeding and serious pain on urination. So I took everything out and let it all settle down for a few days. Since the real catheter doesn't want to go in, I've backed off until I can get some medical quality lube. Since then I've worn the cage for four straight days with no problem, after which I took it off for a few days to see how that felt, because when I first removed it my penis felt kind of foreign and I had a lot less interest in it than usual. Now I'm at four days again and was planning to go a week, but it's so comfortable and I'm liking how it feels so much, that I've decided to just keep wearing it indefinitely. I get erections at various times, and having them so contained in the cage feels wonderful. In addition, even though it feels comfortable, I am always aware of the pressure of the ring that holds it on, to the point that sometimes it starts to feel orgasmic. I like that it never lets me forget I'm caged and unable to function as a male.
This photo is what I see now when I look down. The ankle chain is a visible announcement that I'm wearing the chastity cage, and it can't be unlocked until the key to the cage padlock is. The tag says "Michelle", which is the feminine French version of my name and a way for me to refer to my female side. Wearing it shows my male side is suppressed by the cage, and the only way I can have any sexual activity is to be fucked - either by somebody with a penis, or with a dildo. I used the dildo earlier today, and it was like a whole new experience. All my visual sexual interest in my body is now focused on my feet and they look beautiful and sexy. I'm in a foot fetish frenzy. Part of the time I was fucking myself I was looking at photos around me of my feet, and posing my feet to look sexual and worshiping them while being fucked. It was heavenly.

2023-05-02

Addendum: I've never felt this deeply erotic and put in my place

Seeing (and feeling) that catheter going into my penis captive in that cage and immobilizing it, like a fish strung up on a line, is one of the most humiliating and deeply erotic experiences I've ever had. My beloved and lively penis is reduced to a helpless piece of meat that I can't even really touch and it turns me on like nothing else that I have to go around with it inside this big piece of metal that's locked onto me. The message is clear: your male side is out of commission and it's time to let the female side take over for a while.

On again and off again with the chastity cage

The last few days have been a series of attempts to get the cage situated so that it doesn't fall off, my skin isn't turned back on itself, and there aren't other problems. After I found the largest ring would not stay on, I tried the medium one, which was better, then the smallest. I was pleased to find it stayed on, but the pressure was too much to sustain. It made my penis get somewhat engorged, like wearing a cock ring, which put too much pressure on it agains the bottom part of the cage, and there wasn't enough room for the skin of my scrotum to lie at all flat, instead tightly folded against itself. Aside from the growing discomfort, I was getting smelly and not able to clean the area well, and I knew from past experience I was at a high risk of developing a fungal infestation.
So I took it off for about 24 hours before trying again. While I was caged I tried for a long time to insert the 8mm catheter tube, but it would only barely go in, and I wound up pushing the glans down into the cage, with the result that the first part of the urethra was sore and a bit swollen. While it was off I tried inserting a piece of 5mm tubing, which I was able to do without any great discomfort. I've managed to creat a (temporary) cather with it, as long as the 8mm one, and found I can screw the end cap directly onto the plastic tubing. I made a bulge near the end on the inside of the cage end, so it stays in place.
Now I'm wearing the medium ring again, and I've improvised a cord tied around my waist to keep it from slipping down when I'm standing. I took viagra earlier and was having spells of being super aroused. When I had the ring on, I got really hard and started edging while thinking about it being so hard and free right before being caged again, this time catheterized, in a short while. The thought of it being imprisoned with almost the only sensation being pressed up against the rings, held in place with my balls in front and not able to be moved much, really turns me on. I was able to insert the smaller tube, which holds my penis in postion inside the cage and directs pee out the end hole, so it's completely inactivated now, not usable for anything except to experience being effectively emasculated and tortured by the sensations of being caged and catheterized. Not only are there constant twinges of feeling from the tube as I move, I'm always slightly aware of it being inside me.
My current plan, if all goes well, is to remain like this until Friday night or Saturday. It's going to drive me out of my mind, wanting to hold and play with my penis while it's immobilized in the cage.
A result of this is that my only source of sexual release now is being fucked, and that's just what I need to bring out more of my female side. I need to use the dildo before I go out Friday night to put me in the sexual mindset of a woman - I need to train myself to look at men as possibly being someone who will fuck me.

2023-04-30

My first day locked in a chastity cage

The cage arrived late yesterday (Saturday) and it took a while to get it all in order and on my body. First off, I had taken viagra earlier and so was constantly erect, which doesn't work with putting on the cage. My first attempt with the ring was with a smaller one and I wasn't able to get everything through it. Finally got the largest ring in place around my genitals, testicles first, then by waiting until I was mostly flaccid and pulling my penis through. It was at that moment I realized I may be wearing this piece of metal for months.
Attempting to get the cage on got me all hard again, so I had to wait until I was soft and small enough. Once it was in and the cage was locked in place, it became clear how totally I have surrendered my genitals. The cage and ring make a rigid, somewhat heavy, unit that all moves as one thing. My testicles are compressed by the position of the cage and the ring such that they cannot slip past and escape the ring. I can touch my scrotum, which is pressed against the bottom/back of the cage. I can touch the end of the glans by reaching through the dome at the end of the cage, but that is all. I can't move my penis or interact with it at all beyond that, not even to adjust its position in the cage, which, by the way, holds it always in the same place in front of my body. There is absolutely no way I can grasp, squeeze, or masturbate it. I can see but I can't caress. When I pee, I have to either sit, or position the whole cage away from my body, and usually the stream comes out at an angle or splatters. I'm totally arounsed and totally scared of what it will be like when I get the catheter tube, which is big and will hold my penis in a fixed postion, making even limited touching even more difficult. It will be like it's been removed from being a functioning and highly valued part of my body to a useless piece of flesh strung up in a cage. It won't even be involved in peeing - the pee will come out the hole on the end of the cage.
Most of the time my penis only fills about half the length of the cage, but I've had frequent attempted erections, and got big enough sometimes to fill all the way to the end. Then I can squeeze the glans and create tantric energy, which I can also tap just from the confined erection. Those caged erections feel really nice, by the way - I just can't do anythin with them. The device is almost totally comfortable and the only negative is that, because I have a droopy scrotum, it can slide well away from my body when I wear it standing and walk. There's no danger of it sliding off directly, but my penis gets dangerously close to being able to be pulled loose, which have no intention of doing. I don't think a smaller ring would fix this - it's the droopy skin.
It's entirely possible I'll be wearing this for the rest of my life.

2023-04-28

Wear a chastity cage instead of underwear with a skirt in public?

I came across this photo today and immediately got a raging erection. It was the urethral tube with the fittings that did it. I realized this may be the perfect solution to wearing a skirt in public with no underwear, and to the drops of urine that frequently spot a skirt. The cage will prevent me from getting a visible erection while leaving me completely open to being fucked. The tube can be plugged after peeing to prevent drips, and I can't see how I won't be really aware of having that tube stuck down my penis and why I'm wearing it. I'm having other ideas about it too, like having someone who wants me to wear it while they're fucking me, or who has me wear it when I'm at home alone so I can't masturbate or play with myself except when I'm with them. I'm also wondering if I will be able to ride my bike while wearing it. I've already ordered it and the cage will be here tomorrow with the tube arriving on Monday. Today I made a practice tube and inserted it without a problem, but it wasn't like the real thing because I had to hold it in place with one hand all the time or it would slide out. Wonder if I'll be able to sleep while wearing it.

2023-04-27

Pledge of full-time nudity

I've realized I need to explicitly commit to this:
I hereby pledge and promise to live, to the greatest extent possible, fully naked, shaved, and on display at all times as a public resource that can be viewed and touched without taboos (Signed Michael)

2023-04-08

I'm not as sexual as I look LOL

I've been in a sexual low period for the last few weeks, and today it struck me how easily someone could get the idea from this website that I go around turned on all the time. A nice fantasy, but, no, most of the time I'm just living my life - only I'm naked all the time. But in some kind of state of sexual ecstacy? Uh, no - however, feel free to imagine I do if you like the idea!

2023-02-14

Tantric Masturbation on Viagra Plus Fucking Myself with the Dildo

Today I took sildenafil (generic Viagra) and did meditation practice along with masturbation and guided visualization to reinforce that I am now living as a nonbinary man who wears skirts, openly loves his body and particularly his genitals, and uses masturbation to improve his life. I did almost all of the session dressed in sandals with a nice shirt and skirt with no underwear, as a way of reinforcing that I'll be living in such clothes and going out in them. This went on for a couple of hours, during which it dawned on me that these sildenafil sessions of a raging erection and high state of arousal for several hours are now probably a regular part of my life. Most people have a partner; I don't, I just have me. So, while much of the world was courting or having sex with a partner on Valentine's Day, I was having sex with myself, and it was delightful and uplifting.
Then, while the drug was still active, I took an enema to clean my colon out - good practice for when I am going to get fucked. I got aroused while doing it, partly from imagining a future in which doing it means I'm going to be fucked. Once it came out clear and I was sure I was empty, I stuck the dildo to a vertical surface, lotioned it thoroughly, and went to it. It was the best it's ever been, and I never wanted it to stop. After a while my legs got tired and I lay down on my back and continued. Nothing in my life has ever felt more "right". I kept on past the point at which my arms and hands were worn out until I just couldn't do it any more. Had it been a real person doing it, I'd have been happy to have it go on for hours. As it was, including rest times, I did it for an hour.
I was simulating going out with a man who tells me to be ready an hour before time, then just as I'm ready to go he fucks me for an hour fully dressed and tells any friends we meet that he just fucked me. I want that to happen in my life, repeatedly.
Make no mistake, I *love* being fucked and when it finally starts to happen, I may become a total slut and be totally turned on having everyone know it.

2023-02-13

Tantric Masturbation on Viagra

Today I practiced Tantric masturbation on sildenil (generic Viagra) for the first time. It was amazing.
For a long time I didn't need to put any attention on keeping my penis erect, it was going to be rock hard for as long as the initial high lasted. The sensation just kept coming and coming as I rode myself close to orgasm and then stopped and focused my attention on my heart chakra. It was difficult to remain centered because it was so intense, and so I wasn't gettting the maximum effect lest I let it slip into ejaculation, which would end it all. It was a great opportunity work on training my attention, with a secondary goal of conditioning myself to the reality of my naked and shaved body and my sexuality being documented here and elsewhere on the Internet for anyone to see. Part of that was everyone knowing my genitals are never going to be used for sex with someone else, so they are for me to enjoy freely anytime I want. That, combined with my commitment to the practice of Tantric masturbation, meant I felt an obligation to use the silednefil-fueled erection(s) to maximum effect lest I let down the expectations of my readers. Surrendering to the sexual energy, worshiping my genitals for all the joy they bring me and wanting them on display always, feeds the female side of me, the desire to surrender to another man's penis deep inside me, fucking me until he's satisfied, to dress myself in short sexy skirts and sandals so men will see me as a sexual object, to go out with another man and feel like everyone who sees us knows he's going to fuck me.
After the intial period of undeniable erection, there have followed longer and longer spells of flacidity followed by strong erections. I'm feeling exhilirated and full of sexual energy that I will tap and redirect around my body later as well as encourage me to live more openly as a nonbinary man.
The pills are cheap and I expect this to become a somewhat regular event.

2023-01-22

Nudism vs. Naturism

There is often some confusion between the concepts of nudism and naturism. Simply put, naturism is a subset of nudism. Both involve choosing to live without clothing, but naturism includes the idea that sexuality is not involved, that nudity is enjoyed purely for the freedom to be one's natural self in the world. Nudism, however, is not so restrictive and may involve one's sexuality being expressed while not wearing clothes.
This is why I call myself "nudist", because I get great sexual pleasure from being and being seen naked - and I have no shame about that. I do NOT intentionally impose my sexuality or nudity on anyone who is not open to it, and I would be very uncomfortable with making someone else uncomfortable with it. It's about enjoyment and pleasure, just as naturism is, but with a wider scope. So please enjoy!