There is a lot of confusion and puzzlement for many people around how nonbinary people can
have sex. That's not inappropriate, because there is no one answer, since nonbinaries come in
a spectrum of flavors and variations. But for me it's relatively simple: I identify strongly
physically as a man, while sexually I'm a woman. I love my male body, its strength and its
sexual organs, but I have no interest in using those organs on anyone, male or female.
Instead, I'm the one who should be on the receiving end of a penis, the one who is fucked. But
the reason I've never identified as "gay" is simply that I have NO sexual interest in men, other
than to be fucked; instead, my main object of sexual interest is my own body. While I still find
women's bodies attractive, enticing, and beautiful, they do not arouse me; that's not to say
I don't enjoy a good cuddle and being physically close, only that it's entirely non-sexual.
Since they are useless for sex with another person, my genitals are only there for viewning and
touching, both by me and by others. There's great pleasure in having them shaved and on
display for anyone to see, with everyone
knowing that they will never be used on anyone else, and that's very freeing for me.
Masturbation is now not about somehow subverting my sexual drive, it's a natural and right
thing for me to do. I rarely masturbate to orgasm though, because there's something better.
In its basic form, it's called "edging" - getting close to orgasm but never letting it happen,
over and over. It becomes more intense with each repetition, and can go on for hours if a
person wants it to. I take that to the next level, though, and practice what some call
"medibation", or masturbation as a form of meditation - also known as "Tantric masturbation".
This involves learning to channel the orgasmic energy into the chakras and from there into
the entire body. The result is kind of indescribable, like whole-body orgasms that don't
climax, and a spiritual high that engenders a feeling of peace and bliss. It's also possible
to learn to direct the energy into specific parts of the body to relieve chronic muscle
tensions. While it may not be appropriate behavior in most social situations, it is
nevertheless a wholesome and healthy activity, not something to be ashamed of.
As far as my female side, I want to be seen and used sexually like a cis woman would be -
I want men to see me as a potential fuck and have them constantly trying to get their
penis into my butt. I want to have friends for whom I'm the benefit. I want to be taken out
on dates in a skirt and sandals with it understood
all around that I'm going to be fucked later, and maybe already have been before going out. All
I want is the sex; I have no interest in cuddling or kissing, just being fucked for
someone else's pleasure. It pains me to admit that as of now I'm still a virgin. I've used
butt plugs and dildos; I have a nice one now that I use on myself - and I love
it. I daydream about actually getting fucked and I wonder if it will ever happen, and what
it will be like. In the meantime I live naked, do Tantric masturbation while thinking about being naked on the Internet for any
and all to see, and fuck myself occasionally with